A Tail of Redwall
by SpoilerWolf911
Summary: what would happen if i owned redwall? this!


Cluny opened his eye and he noticed that the bell didn't kill him. Also he saw that Shadow wasn't dead, or Redtooth, Killconey, or Fangburn. His whole horde was alive! By this time Cluny was dazed and his eye scoured the room for that mousey. Killcony scampered over to Cluny. "Oh poor Cluny!" He got out a small first aid kit and bandaged up his heroic leader.

His followers prowled around looking concerned and worried. Oh... what happened I can't remember anything. Where is that mouse and the bell? Cluny then coughs up some blood, and then looks at his tail to make sure that the poison barb was there. To his horror he saw nothing! Not even a stump! He shrieked in horror (while on his knees) Noooooo!

His horde shuffled their feet and tried not to look him in the eye. Cluny curled up in a ball and started sucking his thumb. (Suck,suck "Mommy!"He whimpered.) Cluny then woke up and saw a purple pickled herring. He then smacked himself twice and he woke up to find that his tail and barb was back!

Also he saw Redtooth bringing him a chicken leg and wine. Chief, are you okay? Cluny took the food and wine from Redtooth then started kicking him savagely in the butt. Of course I'm alright you oaf! Redtooth grimaced in pain and scurried to get away from Cluny's foot. He made it to the open tent flap as Cluny roared" All right you miserable sluggards! Let's pack up camp and move on to Redwall. I want that Abbey for my own! Yes chief! Right away chief! Killconey replied hastily. Shadow looked at his master in confusion. Then sharpens his knife.

The sun was rising through a golden mist as the creatures of Redwall began their day. Little did they know that soon the day would turn very different for them. Basil was thrown out of the kitchen as soon as he set a paw inside it. Flippin bounder cads! Think of a chap that is tossed out of a kitchen just for scoffing a mere summer and a little keg of October ale! Friar Hugo chunnered to himself about hares being walking stomachs.

Three little dibbuns tip-pawed behind Hugo while he was working on the lunch of summer salad, chestnut cheese and repairing the damage done by Basil.

Hee Hee Hee... shh. Said the rascal Arven as he and Rollo pinched the candied chestnuts from the table. Now what do you two think you're doing with that? Err...run! As the two dibbans ran away from the maddened friar into the attic, Cluny made his plans.

Cheesethief! Bellowed Cluny. Where are those wandering player costumes? Cheesethief snickered, Hey boss are we goin inta anodder line of work? Cluny swiped his tail menacingly at cheesethief. No scum brain! It's all part of my plan! Now go find those clothes! In a very bad mood now, Cluny hollered to Redtooth, Bring me my lunch! Or I'll gut ya! But chief it's alive! Said Redtooth as he was trying to kill the boar with his rusty sword.

Fangburn was out of breath by running after a thief that stole Cluny's wine and made a run for redwall. Blagguts wheezed as he stumbled along a forest path. He was running away from the camp of Cluny the Brave. The stolen wine sloshed in the wineskin as he looked behind him. He thought he heard the noise of somebeast following him. Why oh why did I think it was a good idea to take Cluny's wine. Now I shall be a deadbeast! Hu..Hu..Hu get back here thief! Come back so's I can gut ya! Said Fangburn who had collapsed from exhaustion.

Basil wandered into the gatehouse because he thought he smelled something tasty. Sure enough foremole and Tim churchmouse were sharing a private breakfast while they discussed story ideas for a book they were working on. Nay Mister Tim youm be a gurt sillybeast ifin you think al be kissin you burr hurr hurr. Hello chaps! I say what smells so bloomin good? On no it's the walking stomach! Hide the food now foremole! I'll hide the wine.

Only passing through chappies. Said Basil, as he stuck his head in the door. Oh where did they get to? He walked slowly round the table, not finding a single crumb. Basil's belly was growling ferociously by now. Well I'll have to try another sneak attack in the kitchens. I swear if that walking stomach set's paw in here again I'll chop it off! Oh hello Blagguts! My that's a lot of wine! Where did you get it? Blagguts had made it in the Abbey, where Basil had spied him. He helped the exhausted vermin to his feet by pulling on the wineskin.

Blagguts looked at the crazy hare with glazed eyes and asked where am I? Why me bold chappy your in Redwall abbey! Said Basil as Blagguts still dazed fell over the abbey walls. Basil tries to get to the gate before Blagguts met the ground and died. Basil saves him but heard the lunch bell and dropped him. Hold oh chaps! Save me some bloomin tucker eh wot? Poor Blagguts rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes. The peaceful sounds of birds and the gentle scent wafting from the flower garden put Blagguts in a very deep sleep.

Cluny sent Fangburn to track down the thief as they didn't know it was Blagguts. Stinking thief! Said Fangburn as he walked in a tree. Arrgh! Who put that pesky tree there! Fangburn rubbed the lump on his head. Cluny rolled his eye and stomped into his tent. Cheesethief and Shadow were trying outfits from the trunk of looted items. Cheesethief put on a red tunic with a bright green ruffled collar and a pointed hat with a bell on the top of the point. Shadow laughed sinisterly, and put on a mask and hooded cloak decorated with stars and moons. They both dissolved in rude laughter and started pointing at each other. "Ha! Ha ha! You look like a great big moron!" "Well Shadow, you look like the worst type of fool ever!"

Slagar then walks into the camp up to Shadow. "You stole my clothes and my idea!" He then hit Shadow about 20 times or more and took back his clothes. "Who was that, Chief?" Killconey asked Cluny, who snapped, "How in Hellgates should I know?"

Crunkle, a small rat with one ear all wrinkled up, reported to Cluny, "Sir Cluny, the scouts are back!" ("Well some of them anyways") under his breath. Cluny grabbed Crunkle's good ear and started to twist it. "What are you blubbering about you imbecile?" "Ow, owy ouch! Well a mouse was yelling 'Cluny where are you coward? I will send you to the Darkgates even with my last breath if I must!' recited Crunkle to Cluny.

Scringe and Pitgut were sprawled out in the camp lounge area, drinking grog and nibbling on some half-burnt turnips. Cluny walked over to the scouts, his barb twitching menacingly. "You scurvy lot, report immediately!" They both scrambled up to attention.

"Well Boss, we came across some woodlanders around a campfire." Cluny stood there and waited, "And?" "And what?" Pitgut said, "that was it. Isn't that enough?" with a little smirk. Cluny turned as if to go, then he whirled around. His tail barb whipped across Pitgut's throat. "When I say report, I want a report! Scrumbottom!" The unfortunate hordebeast toppled over, quite dead. The same woodlanders who are the Rambling Rosehip Players were eating supper and singing,

We're the rambling Rosehip Players

And we'll take on any part

Bring a tear to your eye

To make you cry

Or bring joy to the saddest heart

As they were singing Matthias go's to their camp and yells who are you? As ballaw walked over to him with rowanoak and said, we're the rambling Rosehip player's laddy buck! Well in that case no worries! Said the relieved mouse. Matthias introduced himself to the players, and told them he was on the trail of some troublesome vermin last seen in the area. Oh yes we know who you mean! For some reason, they robbed us of several articles of costumes we had hanging up to dry on the bushes. The woodland creatures invited Matthias to stay for supper. His growling tummy made him very grateful for the offer. He also volunteered to lead them to the abbey after they were finished eating. Go north from st. Ninians fallow the road in the meadow. "There, you can't miss it if you're not blindfolded." Said the young mouse to the players as they munched their oat bread and hunter stew. "It's very interesting that you say the vermin robbed you of costumes, I wonder what they're up to?" pondered Matthias. Rowanoak scratched at an ear, and said, "We will come with you to Redwall, and if we come across signs of vermin, we will give em blood and vinegar!"

Cluny and his army were hiding in the ditch as Shadow and Cheesethief tried to gain entry to the Abbey. However, Shadow being without a costume made this quite challenging. So Cheesethief started to sing in a horrible off-key voice.

La, la, la

We are the bumbling

Nosetip flayers

And we'll pillage every farm

Bring a tear to your eye and make you cry

And bring fear to the stoutest heart!

Shadow flittered back and forth looking quite menacing and wicked. Cluny shook his head and covered his eyes with a paw in disbelief at his stupid vermin horde-beasts. Some of the Abbey dwellers who were on guard at the walls laughed and pointed at the misguided vermin 'trying' to get in the gates. As Slagar the fox and his band of slavers marched back from the Badger and Bell to St. Ninian's, they passed the ditch where Cluny's forces began their attack on Redwall. Of course Slagar thought they were attacking him, so with a roar he threw his slavers into the fray. What happened next could possibly be explained as sheer chaos! Cluny's horde and Slagar's slavers launched into an immediate battle. As the Redwallers watched in shock and horror, the two armies without any tactics or forethought ravaged the woods with the sheer scale of violence. Fur flew and weapons clanged. Arrows whistled and beasts screamed and shouted out in rage and pain.

Cluny and Slagar were swept together in the wild melee. "You scurvy slaver! I'll rip ya heart out and make ya eat it!" snarled Cluny. Slagar roared, "at last I shall mount your head on a pike and be troubled by you no more!" Then, an especially brutal wave of battling beasts swept them apart again. "Curse you Slagar!"

"You vile excuse for a leader!" shouted Slagar. Cluny tried to make his way back by chopping at all, friend and foe, but it was no use. Their moment had passed on.

Killconey yelled at the top of his lungs, "get the slavers! Defend the great Cluny!" "Ha! That fleabitten excuse for a rat!" said Halftail as he was shot by an arrow shaft. Threeclaws tore out Shadow's guts as Vitch the coward's head was whipped off by Cluny's barbed tail. He then ate a ferret's head as blood was flying everywhere.

Abbot Mortimer cringed behind the turrets overlooking the horde battle. He sucked his thumb and cried softly, "find a happy place, find a happy place!" Abbot Mordalfus looked at the previous leader of Redwall and shook his head sadly. "The abbey would be in poor paws with you in charge old friend..." He turned to Constance and said, "Better take him to the infirmary and give him a sedative!"

End of part one.


End file.
